Friday, March 13, 2009

Music You Should Listen To Just In Case You're Ever Stuck in a Car With Me

I haven't posted anything up in a while and I fear that my neglect for this blog will inevitably turn up to be another Xanga (RIP: TimberwolfAtNewJersey), so to combat my fears, here comes this half-ass post. Do not fear, however, a review of Zack Snyder's adaptation of 'Watchmen' is coming, as well as an explaination to what the hell is going on with our economy; but if these do not come into fruition due to a lack of interest or motivation, I will owe you all a Wonka Bar or a Dr. Pepper. Either way, win-win.

I was in the car with a friend the other day, and I found that this person was skipping through every song on my iPod (it's attached to my radio). It was maybe an awkward silence of about a minute, due to the obvious reason that none of those songs were interesting. This bummed me out, and instead of listening to some sweet and tasty tunes, we ended up having a very thoughtful and stimulating conversation about Ayn Rand's Objectivism and how that pertains to the current discourse of right wing ideology (BORING). Anyway, in case you're ever stuck in a car with me (and chances are, you probably will be, because it seems that with any of my friends, I'm the only one who ever volunteers to drive), here are five albums that are "tearing it up" in my car or, as Kevin Wada says, "jams I'm currently jamming to".

Andrew Bird- Noble Beast
Sounds like: You're stuck in an elevator moving side to side sporadically through a wheat field continously blossming Beanie Babies, confetti, dancing panda cubs and cheerleaders.

Tastes like: Deep-fried jellybears

Feels like: A body pillow made for you personally by a good friend (or if you were in a fraternity, your big sis). It's made out of the same material that makes up The Snuggie and Shamwow (It's both comfortable and can pick up stains up to four times what Oxyclean can do)

Most WTF? lyric: "In the salsify mains of what was though but unsaid, all the calcified arythmatists were doing the math"- Oh No

My OMG moment: I was at Starbucks studying for the Hellsat when 'Souverian' came on random. It might have been too many cups of coffee, but when the piano kicks in, I saw everything become illuminated. Now my life is nothing more than chasing that fleeting moment, but I hear that dropping acid is a pretty good bet in replicating said feeling.

Would Philip Johnson like it: Pretty sure he's already an Andrew Bird fan, but I feel there would be a lot of parts that he would find cheesy, but other parts he would think are brilliant. I really can't tell sometimes. There are some things that I think Fil would absolutely love, but then he gives me the thumbs down and raspberries. So I guess I'm not that sure.

Oh No - Andrew Bird

Animal Collective- Merriweather Post Pavillion

Sounds like: If you've ever seen Danny Boyle's 'Sunshine', there's this giant room with just a blank canvas. It can recreate any scenario the subject wants and is used for therapy. This album sounds like a digital Summertime played by digital crickets and raindrops.

Tastes like: Durian. It smells disgusting, looks disgusting, and your intution would most likely tell you to stay away. But it's oddly delicious in its own weird way.

Feels like: When you're walking through the mazes at Knotts Berry Farm's Halloween Haunt and the strobe light makes the giant clown on stilt's movements look way more surreal than it really is.

Most WTF lyric: "Face your money into the dark, but you can't sweat unless swung by the hen"- Also Frightened

My OMG moment: Waiting in an Arby's drive thru while listening to "Guy's Eyes" and being so entranced that I forgotten that I fucking HATE Arbys.

Would Eleana Perez like it: Not unless it's used as a sample for a Chamillionaire song (in his inevitable upcoming record: "Slumdog Chamillionaire") or covered by young filipino boys on YouTube that all wear promises rings and have learned four chords from going to church. The youngest one sings falsetto, of course, which makes it all that much more adorable.

MyGirls -

Bob Dylan- Highway 61 Revisited
Sounds like: A funeral precession run by Barnum and Baily Circus. The eulogizer is 'Pennywise The Clown' from Stephen King's 'It'. This might sound horrifying at first, but then you realize that he's not really a clown, but a giant fucking spider, which is slightly less frightening.

Tastes like: Distilled salt water that you can only taste through bong residue.

Feels like: How Brad Pitt must have felt when he was riding his motorcycle in 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'. He's eventually going to end up a dying baby, but man, what a badass.

Most WTF? lyric: "And Ezra Pound and TS Eliot fighting in the captain's tower while Calipso singers laugh at them and fisherman hold flowers."- Desolation Row

My OMG moment: The first time I listened to 'Desolation Row', I was goofy off some ilicit substances, sitting in my room alone, and reading old letters from past flames (like Desmond, in the season 2 finale, when he's reading his letter from Penny as he contemplates suicide, and after reading it, he goes crazy and starts screaming 'IT'S ALL GONE!'). Anyway, I almost cried, like a little bitch. I'm not kidding. I listened to that song 12 times that night. It's 11 minutes and 20 seconds. I have no shame.

Would my parents like it: If you live with my parents for a week, you realize that their favorite shows involve young kids with mediocre talent trying to grasp fame and fortune with karoke standards and bad hair. I've noticed that my parents are very hard to please. About 80 percent of the time, they comment about how horrible the performance was. You can usually deduce this by the different noises my mom makes in reaction. "Tssssaaaay" means she thinks its sucks. "Eeeeehehhehe!" means she likes it. When it comes to Bob Dylan, it's probably a big "Tsssssayyy".

Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan

The Decemberists- Hazards of Love
Sounds like: If Marcel Proust, James Joyce and David Foster Wallace started a Spinal Tap cover band.

Tastes like: Mrs. Lovett's savory and sweet meat pies.

Feels like: Any movie that uses an operatic scene, probably from Tosca, to reflect the underlying themes of the narrative the film's audience is following. Oh my god! Postmodernism!

Most WTF? lyric: "No more a rake and no more a bachelor. I was wedded and it whetted my thirst. Until her womb start spilling out babies, only then did I reckon my curse"- Rake's Song

My OMG moment: At Starbucks, listening to 'The Wanting Comes in Waves/Repaid' while a man that was disgruntled for not getting a seat was lecturing everyone in the room. There's a part of a song where the 'Mother character' in the song is screaming 'This is how I am repaid!!' with abhorrent agony. As he leaves, I shake my head, and look down at my work; the 'Son character' begins to sing, 'Mother grant me this proposition right, grant me freedom to enjoy this night' in a quiet poignancy provided by a piano. As the 'Son's' voice escalates and the band begins to join in, I realize that my phone is missing. I search endlessly for it, moving faster as the music's beat grows more tense. Then I realized that I must have left my phone outside, right before I moved to grab a table inside, subsequently cutting off the MAN who was yelling at us for not getting a table...not getting a table because I TOOK IT. Upon this realization, the quiet poignancy turns into an evil metal's riff with heavy and grungy power chords. THE MAN MUST HAVE TAKEN IT OUT OF SPITE. BOOM! Cut to LOST. (Turns out I dropped it in the restroom. The employees returned it to me the next day).

Would Trevor Mast like it: This is a man who raps John Keats' poems over Radiohead-esque guitar riffs. His opening line on women at parties is, 'Hey do you guys like Battlestar Galactica?'. Of course he'd like it.

The Rakes Song - The Decemberists

Grizzly Bear- Veckatimest

Sounds like: If preschool was a music video directed by Salvador Dali. Speaking of which, I'm still waiting for a film adaptation of 'The Persistence of Memory' directed by Zack Snyder. A lot of slow motion and the occasional explosion through a glass window...with MELTING CLOCKS.

Tastes like: Neopolitan ice cream after your dad has ate all the chocolate. So really it's just vanilla and strawberry. Why doesn't he just buy chocolate ice cream? Beats me.

Feels like: That chilling feeling after you pee, an especially long pee. It's such a smooth and lasting ride, and by the end of it, you just want to do it again. It sounds like I'm talking about sex, but I'd rather pee. YEAH, I SAID IT.

Most WTF? lyric: "Oh wildly cohering in a watery deep. We'll drop her down to the bottom. We'll drop her like she's nothing."- Dory

My OMG moment: Listening to 'Two Weeks' with the hallway fight scene in 'Oldboy' playing in the background. They oddly sync up.

Would Kevin Wada like it: That sassy bitch would be like, 'This shit is too slow. I need a beat to dance to', and then he'd immediately change it to Rihanna's 'Please Don't Stop The Music'. I don't know why I have Rihanna on my iPod. I apologize to Kevin in advance for making him a gay caricature.

Two Weeks - Grizzly Bear


coffee said...

the only thing better than the ShamWow is the Shamwow song...


maybe you can post a sample or two to get the appetite wet.

Diana said...

hi eric :)

good music choices. thumbs up! especially the first 2 listed. andrew bird rocks. :D

Tweva said...

i think if james joyce sounded like anyone hed sound like captain beefheart in troutmaskreplica.
marcel would be the violinist in a chamber music group.
i dont know the other guy but he probably sucks.
battlestar rocked last night

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!