Tuesday, May 27, 2008

"I once played tennis against a wall...it was fucking relentless"

In order to keep up my productivity, or my lack there of, I've decided to dabble into the slightly familiar world of blogging. I've had some experience before, mostly consisting of exceptionally over-the-top posts, made up of what I like to think is the paradoxical combination of a contrived eloquence with a dull, obtuse, and overly-sardonic "critique" on pop-culture. Yet, for all my worldliness and $40k a year mass-produced commodity that we like to pretend is intelligence, I still lack the capability of engaging an audience without resorting to some sort of distorted projection of my insecurities as a writer; meaning that, yes, the three of you who did read what I wrote in the past probably did recognize a touch of, let's not be too harsh on myself, what many would agree was a amalgamation of self-pity and despair, a testament to the vitality and, ultimately, detriments of the postmodern condition.

I am fully aware that, if I do decide to keep this inevitable train-wreck on its tracks, that I will, arguably, digress into what I used to do; and that is making clear the difference of what I, through my own subjectivity (although some would argue that every subjective truth ultimately relies on objectivity [DMS]), saw as what constituted as absurdity and irrationality. And that will be a-ok. I'm under the impression that, for the most part, most blogs do not need to adhere to an overarching theme or narrative; that whatever truth, moral, or utility that can be derived is made possible by the arbitrary nature of this significantly conducive platform of global mass communication.

I guess I'm starting back at square one. I feel there has to be some record of the progression of my development as an idealized self, despite the fact that I will undoubtedly regret publishing whatever ill-conceived notions I have of the world and the people who inhabit it in the foreseeable future. Perhaps I am too hard on myself, but I can't help but cringe every time I read, listen, or watch something I created prior to who I am at that particular moment. But hey! Everyone's got to have some sort of balance between tragedy and comedy in their lives. At least I'm a first rate diagnostician.


Anonymous said...

You think you're so cool

BillyPilgrim said...

yes. yes i do.

C.M.E said...

i do too.

so much cooler than i originally anticipated.